French Maid
by Iceestar
Summary: It's Gilbert's birthday tomorrow, but his awesome pancake maker is in France. While he's on a plane to get there, Francis and Antonio cook up a few plans involving an unsuspecting Canadian. Slight PruCan, fail summery, human names only.


"Yes Gilbert. Yes, I know you're ashamed and that I'm officially the most unawesome person ever. I'm sorry! I really am! Gi- GIlbert, you know it's mostly your fault for never calling ahead before showing up at my house. How is it my fault that Kumagiko doesn't remember you? He doesn't even remember me! Fine Gilbert... I guess you could come here as long as you check with Ludwig first and it's okay with Francis. Yes. Alright. Just make sure to call me or Francis before your flight leaves so we can know when to pick you up." Matthew said as he tried to ignore the annoying hand in his back pocket and the head pressed against the other side of the phone while he was talking.

Matthew turned to Francis and mouthed angrily, 'Do you mind?'

Francis just smiled light at Matthew before slowly moving away from Matthew and pulling out his hand.

"What Gilbert? Oh yeah... Wh- What? Gilbert! Don't say stuff like that! H- He's my older brother! ... Fine. I promise I won't let Francis rape me." Matthew said in a huffy voice. He paused in speaking before his face went bright red. "Gilbert... Gilbert. Gilbert! Tais-toi! I don't care if you think Francis screwed Arthur and that Arthur's his brother, that doesn't me- Well no I don't know for sure, bu- ... Gilbert if you don't shut up I'm going to have Kumajurio bit you the next time he sees you." Matthew growled darkly. He just hoped that, for Gilbert's sake, Gilbert would take him seriously because Matthew was completely serious. "Have a great plane trip. Bye Gilbert." Matthew said softly before hanging up the phone.

"Ohonhonhon, what was that about me screwing Arthur?" A creepy voice said from behind Matthew, whose face had become brick red again. Francis just looked at Matthew with a smirk and a hand on his hip. It ammused his greatly that his best friend was warning his brother to watch out for his slightly(largely) wandering hands.

"Francis shut up. You know it's insanely rude to listen in on other people's conversations. If you want I can rent a hotel room so you don't have both me and Gilbert at your house at the same time." Matthew said as he tried to resist the urge to just walk away so he wouldn't have to deal with Francis's strange antics. Matthew was also a bit upset because he had been planning on going to Germany on Gilbert's birthday to surprise him and since France was really close to Germany, Matthew had seen no harm in going to France, but he should have fore seen Gilbert going to his house for pancakes.

"Matthieu, stay here. Gilbert won't be able to get here until tomorrow on his birthday and you know that sleeping in a hotel will only stress you out. Plus, it'll be hard to make pancakes for Gilbert tomorrow if you're at a hotel." Francis said with a light shrug.

Matthew looked at Francis for a moment, wondering how he knew about Gilbert liking his pancakes, but just assumed it was because of the Prussian's huge mouth. Matthew walked to the door as he said, "I'm gonna go get my bags out of the car."

Francis gave Matthew a light wave as he looked around, seeming to occupied with something else at the moment, but as soon as Matthew walked through the door, Francis dove for his phone and started punching numbers into it.

Waiting for the familiar 'Hola' of his friend, Francis quickly locked the door so Matthew wouldn't be able to come back inside and hear his conversation.

"Antonio, mon ami~ Yes, yes, Lonvino's so cute. Yes he looked like a tomato when he blushes. An- Antonio, I didn't call to hear about your life with Lovino. I have something important to say! Yes, more important than Lovino looking like a tomato. No it has nothing to do with Lovino. Come on Antonio! It's for our best friend Gilbert. Yes, it's important. Just use the private jet that you use to get to the world meetings and come here. I promise to explain everything when you come here. What? Oh, why of course it involves Matthew. He is staying at my house right now you know. No, I can't say anymore just get your derrière over here! Bye Tonio!" Francis said with a large grin as he hung up before letting in his angry brother.

"You really had to go and lock me out didn't you? You know that's more of an Alfred move that something you'd do. Aren't you supposed to be classier or something?" Matthew half said and half growled as he shoved past Francis with a dark look. First he had to deal with Gilbert's random nonsense on the phone, then his surprise to Gilbert of him randomly coming to Germany was ruined, and now his brother was acting like a jerk and locking him out of the house. Matthew just huffed and stomped up the stairs to get up to the room he stayed in when he visited his brother.

Francis watched Matthew go up the stairs. He waited for the sound of a door slamming before laughing quietly. It seemed like this visit with Matthew had just gotten more interesting. Much more interesting.

It was the next morning when Matthew woke up to a call from Gilbert saying that he would be in later that day. The guess was somewhere around four o'clock. Matthew had gone down stairs to find that Antonio was there. It was a little suspicious, especially when they left to go talk where Matthew couldn't hear. Matthew found it very odd, but just shrugged it off as Francis being up to his crazy antics. Probably some really strange and elaborate surprise for Gilbert.

Matthew walked down the stairs and started making pancakes while he hummed softly to himself. A loud bang cause Matthew to jump, spilling a little bit of batter on the ground. He put down his spoon and poked his head out of the kitchen door. Matthew spotted Antonio walking in with a big bag. The bag was dragging on the ground a little as the Spainard slowly made his way further into the house.

Mattew stared at Antonio for a moment before slowly saying, "Er... Antonioo, do you um... need any help with ... whatever that is?" Matthew slowly made his way out of the kitchen and over to Antonio. "If you don't mind me asking, what exactly is that?" Matthew asked as he studied the strange bag closer. It looked like it was full of some sort of thing.

Antonio just gave Matthew an airy laugh and said, "Oh don't worry about it Matteo~ It's just something me and Francis got while we were out. It's something to help celebrate Gilbert's birthday, but you'll find out later! Don't say anything about it though cause it needs to stay a surprise." Antonio gave Matthew a grin before continuing in with the bag.

Matthew just stood there for a moment and watched Antonio slowly make his way by. A bit later he saw Francis skip in with a red ribbon and feather duster in hand. Matthew gave his brother a confused look, but just got an obnoxious laugh in return. Matthew just shook his head and turned back to go make the pancakes. He had a feeling that he would only have peace for a bit longer and wanted to make the most out of it.

It was about noon when Matthew finally finished with his pancakes. (Francis had decided it would be funny to scare the crap out of Matthew and make him spill the batter everywhere. Francis had nearly gotten a broken nose for his efforts.) Matthew set three plates down on the table and silently prayed that he would finally be able to just sit down and enjoy his beautiful breakfast... no lunch of pancakes. Matthew was also hoping that maybe, just maybe lunch would be less eventful than making lunch had been.

Francis sniffed lightly and said, "The best chefs may be French, but they have nothing on your pancakes, Matthieu. And thank you for not breaking my nose." Francis grabbed his plate and moved to his seat before calmly eating his food.

When Antonio took his place at the table, right next to Francis, Francis calmly said, "Matthieu, will you go get the maple syrup from the cabinet above the oven?"

Matthew nodded lightly and left the room calmly. He looked around the kitchen for a moment before moving over to the oven. He opened up one of the cabinets and imediately closed it. Even if the syrup was in there, Matthew wasn't going to touch it. Matthew looked through the rest of the cabinets above the oven and wished the he had mind bleach so he could erase the things in the cabinets from his memories.

Matthew did eventually find the maple syrup. He went to the door and placed a hand on it, ready to announce that he had found the maple syrup when he heard Francis and Antonio talking in soft voices. "Yup Toni, that's the plan. When he comes back in here act normal so he does suspect anything." Francis's voice drifted through the door.

Matthew waited for a moment to see if Francis was going to say anything else or if Antonio would respond. When no one spoke any further Matthew walked back into the room and sat down, hoping that by some freaky miracle the rest of the day would be less eventful than making lunch had been.

Matthew was in a room pacing back and forth like a caged animal. His face was distorted in rage as he moved back and forth. Letting out a string of French and English insults, Matthew slammed his fist on the door. "Let me out you son of a bitching whore or I'll use your head as a hockey puck and your bones as my hockey stick the second I get my hands on you! And give me back the rest of my clothes!" Matthew shouted. Yes, Matthew Williams was standing in the middle of a room in his older brother's house with no clothes on except some boxers. (Keeping only those was a miracle in itself.)

Matthew could hear Francis chuckling through the door and growled angrily. He knew that Gilbert could be showing up at any moment. Matthew also knew that if Gilbert found out about this he would never, ever let it go no matter how many pancakes Matthew made.

"Come on Francis! Gilbert's gonna be here soon and he'll never let this go! Please give me something! Pants, a shirt, maybe even both, I'll take either of the two! Please! He'll take pictures and then put it all over the internet!" Matthew pledded since his threats obviously had no effect on the Frenchman.

Francis laughed for a bit before he suddenly slammed open the door, effectively knocking Matthew backwards and away from the door. (And more importantly his face) Francis chucked a large black bag into the room, letting it hit Matthew and knock him back a bit more. As soon as the bag was in the room the door was slammed shut and locked once more.

Matthew let the bag drop to the floor and brushed himself off. He examined the bag for a moment and immediately recognized it as the bag that Antonio had been dragging in earlier that day. It felt like something was inside the bag and it was a little heavy-ish. Matthew looked down to the zipper and grabbed it. He knew he wasn't going to like whatever was in the bag so all he could do was pray that it wouldn't be too bad.

Matthew slowly opened the bag and looked inside. His palm hit his face as he quickly changed his prayers to praying that the contents of the bag would magically change to normal clothes instead of... that, but he had no such luck and no deity looking out for him.

A note fell out of the bag and Matthew picked it up slowly, dreading whatever was written on the yellow piece of paper. /'Make sure to put on everything or I won't let you out and I'll tell Gilbert that you left because you didn't wnat to see him... Have fun~!'/ The note read.

Matthew groaned once again before he balled up the note and chucked it at the wall. The was not going to be a good day for Francis when he finally got out of the room.

"Antonio, why on Earth did you drag the awesome me half way across Paris before finally taking me here?" Gilbert growled as he got out of the car and slammed the door shut.

"Your sur-" Antonio started quickly.

"Ja, ja, my surprise wasnt ready. I'm gonna surprise kill you if you don't hurry up with getting us in the house... Now." Gilbert snapped quickly. Yes, a surprise. He had been told many, many times that his surprise wasn't ready so he had to keep busy by wandering around Paris. Well, Gilbert was getting tired of waiting. He wasn't exactly a paitent person.

Antonio nodded quickly and started fumbling with the keys he had to open the door to the house. Antonio didn't even have to think twice to know that Gilbert really would start strangling him if he didn't hurry. Antonio tried a fifth key in the hole, wondering why Francis had so many keys on his key ring when he was suddenly shoved to the side.

"I got it." Gilbert said calmly before he kicked in the door. Gilbert moved into the house and shouted, "Sup less awesome people~ The Awesome has arri-" GIlbert closed his mouth as he assessed the scene before him.

The first thing that registered in Gilbert's mind was the fact that Matthew was wearing a dress. The second thing Gilbert noticed was that Matthew was straddling Francis and trying to claw his throat. The third thing Gilbert realized was that Matthew's dress was starting to ride up his thighs.

After a moment(really long time) of staring, Gilbert finally recovered from the sight and coughed into his hand so they'd know that he was standing there. Gilbert watched Matthew stand up quickly and try straightening out the dress.

Looking at Matthew standing Gilbert was able to see just what Matthew was in fact wearing. It looked like he was in a black ruffly dress with white at the end o the dress and the end of th sleeves. The dress was cut short at Matthew's knees and was short sleeved, giving Gilbert a nice view of his arms. Over the dress was a white frilly apron and in Matthew's hair was a single black ribbon tying back his hair. Gilbert's eyes wandered to Matthew's face and saw that the young Canadian's face was bright red.

Gilbert's cheeks were dusted pink as he tried to think of what to say. His brain tried to process what had just happened, but was failing miserably at doing anything other than register that Matthew was in a dress and looked super hot in it. "I- I-" Gilbert tried saying before he coughed and tried again, "Birdie I thought I told you to not let Francis rape you."

Matthew just stared at Gilbert for a moment and then looked back down to Francis. Matthew looked up to Gilbert and stuttered, "I- I- um... He wasn't raping me? I was trying to str- strangle him, eh." Matthew tried to cover up his bright red face as he just turned around and walked into the kitchen.

Gilbert looked at Francis, now being able to see him since Matthew wasn't on top of him, and saw that the Frenchman had a broken nose and was bleeding. Gilbert had finally recovered from the sight of Matthew and just walked around Francis and up stairs.

"Amigo, I think you need to give Matthew back his clothes before he murders you and makes Gilbert faint" Antonio said as he helped his friend back up.

Francis just nodded numbly as he walked to go get Matthew his clothes.

About three hours later Matthew, Gilbert, Francis, and Antonio were sitting at the table with another stack of pancakes in front of them. Matthew had changed back into his normal clothes and (happily) fixed Francis' broken nose. Gilbert had finally recovered from the shook and was functioning normally.(Demanding pancakes) Antonio had steered clear of Matthew so he wouldn't get hurt like Francis had. (He hid in a room for an hour) Francis had changed into non bloody clothes and apologized to Matthew. (Begged for him to not go through with his threats) Once that was all over Matthew agreed to make Gilbert pancakes so long as this whole ordeal was never mentioned again.

Matthew stabbed his pancakes and cut a piece off before shoving the piece in his mouth and chewing angrily, imagining that Francis' head was the pancake. There was an awkward silence as Antonio and Francis watched Matthew carefully, almost expecting him to go crazy and start trying to kill them both. After a few more moments of awkwardness, Francis and Antonio stood up.

"Mon cher, I think Antonio and I are going to go up stairs. Gilbert can have our pancakes." Francis said before turning and walking away with the tan Spainard.

"Just don't get anymore /great/ ideas." Matthew grumbled a he continued to chomp down on his pancakes angrily.

Gilbert looked a little scared at being left alone with the furious Canadian, but figured since the anger wasn't directed at him he would be okay. Gilbert looked down at his pancakes and continued to shovel them into his mouth for a little bit, not trusting himself to not say something stupid.

Matthew sighed after a moment and turned to Gilbert, "Sorry about that whole thing Gilbert. I had planned on going to Germany for your birthday so you wouldn't have to come to Canada and I could surprise you, but then you called cause you had gone to my house and I was with Francis and then Francis heard youw ere coming and I gues got this big idea it'd be funny to do that and it probably ruined your birthday and I'm really really sorry Gilbert." Matthew finally took a breath and started shoveling in pancakes to hide his embarasment.

Gilbert stared at Matthew before laughing loudly. He put his fork down and got up. Gilbert walked behind Matthew and leaned into his ear. "It's alright Matthew. It didn't ruin my birthday. In fact, you look pretty nice in a dress Birdie." Gilbert said before licking Matthew's ear and running away.

Matthew sat there for a moment, wondering what had just happened before he got up and screamed, "I'm going to kill you Gilbert!"

((A/N: So, this was a thing for my friend. I was writing a different story and she was like, "I wonder what would happen if Matthew had to wear a dress." and I, with my twisted mind, came up with this. I hope it's okay. I know there's quite a few spelling errors and type-os, but I don't have spell checks.

Reviews are love~ And gets Matthew back into a dress for Gilbert to enjoy. ;D

PS. If anyone can tell me how to italicize or bold things, I will love you forever.)) 


End file.
